Life's Undo Button
by Aria Azurestone
Summary: If only life were like a computer. We could undo mistakes like we do in writing or drawings. But life isn't that easy. You cannot take back something you did or said, no matter how much you regret it. For Seto Kaiba, an undo button would be the perfect thing right now. And because of a selfless thought...he's given the chance to change his mistake.


"We have some information for you…" The principal started. He had called me, along with a few of the geek patrol, to the office to talk to us. I snorted. As if they're my _friends_. I made note that the Mutt wasn't there. Not that I was surprised. He had been missing school for the past three or four days. I smirked. _Probably in a kennel._ "We regret to inform you…your friend Jounouchi Katsuya was found dead in his room this morning."

There were a few gasps heard throughout the office. Anzu screamed and dropped to her knees, covering her teary eyes and sobbing quietly.

I felt my world become small, but I wasn't sure how to react. So many different emotions went through me, I couldn't tell one from the other. I didn't want any of them to show, either. All I could do was stare wide-eyed at the tall, broad man who had given us the horrible news, searching for any sign of deceit. Not finding any, I took a few steps back, hiding my eyes in my bangs.

I watched Yami run up to the man and grab his collar. "What kind of sick joke is this, Nakamura-san?!" _That's right. It's just some horrible joke by the school's staff. They'll pay for this. No one messes with Seto Kaiba's head and gets away with it._

The principal simply reached and took Yami's gripping hands off him and gave him a look that reflected pity. "I'm sorry for your loss."

Yami took a few steps back and fell to the floor in a fit of rage and disbelief. _Stupid, not the best time to have a tantrum._

A few more of the dork squad showed up soon after. It was the guy with the pointy hair and that wannabe game master Duke Devlin.

Yugi tearfully explained the news and they soon followed suit on the floor.

The whole time, I just kept backing up until I hit the glass wall by the door.

_This couldn't be true… it was a lie… it had to be… Jou? Dead?_ The thought of losing him was something my brain refused to accept. I got up and saw Yugi on the floor next to Anzu, crying just as hard as her.

"His dad found him. Poor guy had to be horrified…" _So it wasn't his dad who killed him? _"Police haven't given us too many details, but they concluded he killed…himself…" Nakamura-san trailed off. He watched Jou's friends fall apart more and more with every word. "Perhaps continuing to talk about it won't do you any good." I agreed. I knew we couldn't handle any more information. Even if I wasn't showing just how much I was breaking inside.

_He killed himself? But… _I recalled the phone call from last night, feeling even worse. Last night, Jou had phoned me and started going on about Ra knows what. I was more interested in finding out how the hell he had gotten my cell phone number. We were never friendly to each other, hell, we've nearly killed each other with our fights. Recently, though, I had stopped the daily arguments altogether in the hopes that he'd come to see me as a friend.

Of course, I didn't expect him to switch gears so quickly, but we haven't argued in roughly two weeks. But stupid me told him I was too busy when he called last night. I wasn't, really. At the time, I was simply writing a report that could be done by anyone. It was just something to do. I was just in no mood for his ranting and it's not like we've ever carried a conversation before then.

Because I told him I was busy, he made plans to go catch a movie Friday. I only agreed because I hadn't been paying attention until he brought it up before he hung up.

That conversation lasted until 10pm. I had to get to bed, unless I wanted to be tired for school. When I said that to him, I noticed he'd become quiet. After roughly a whole minute, he merely replied,

"Thanks for everything." I didn't think anything of it and said, albeit a bit awkwardly,

"Sure thing." Then we hung up.

I felt guilt and regret build up in me—emotions I'm not used to feeling. I wanted to pull the hair out of my skull. Now I understood what he meant with those words. _Now…when it's far too late. It's all my fault. He called me and I did nothing to help. God, Jou. I would have stayed up on the phone with you all night trying to help you had I known you were considering something like this. If only life had an undo button…_

Just as the thought entered my mind, I heard a loud and powerful voice overhead, coming from no discernible direction say, "_Where did you go wrong? You lost your friend. I'll give you the chance to change his end._"

I looked at the others, ready to hear their opinions about what might be going on, but they were frozen where they were. In fact, everything in the room was frozen except for me. As if I was a movie and someone hit pause.

Before I could ask the voice anything, I felt my world literally spinning. Focusing on one spot, I noticed I was reliving my entire day in reverse. I saw the sun rotate backwards and dive into the Earth as the moon came back up. When the spinning stopped, I found myself in my study, sitting at my desk, obviously having just been typing on my laptop, just as I was last night before Jou's phone call.

Thoroughly confused, I checked the time on the bottom of the screen. 8:02. I remembered what the mysterious voice had said. _I'll give you a chance to change his end._ Does that mean…Jou is still alive right now? Maybe I can talk him out of it!

Jounouchi would be calling any minute. I took my cellphone out and dialed a number I didn't expect myself to know. It rang few times before it was answered.

"Hello?" He sounded…sick? "Who is this?"

"It's Kaiba." I responded.

"Kaiba? That's weird. I was kinda just gonna call you. Heh." I could tell he felt awkward admitting that. "How do you even know my number?"

"How do you know mine?" I inquired, simply.

"Fine. Anyway, I was seriously just about to call you."

"What for?"

"I-I…" he stammered. I heard him sigh. "It's nothing, forget it."

_Tell me what it is, Jounouchi. Tell me what's wrong._

"So why'd you call, Kaiba? It's not like we've ever gotten along."

My eyes darted to my door, briefly wondering if Mokuba was nearby. I forced myself to focus on what needed to be said.

"Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up somewhere and talk. There's something you should know." I added that last part just to see if it interested him. Plus, I wanted to make sure I knew where he was and what he was doing and if that might spark his curiosity, hopefully he'd agree.

"I don't know, Kaiba. I kinda have some plans tonight." _Like killing yourself? I'm not going to let you do that._

"What are you doing? Maybe I can tag along." There was a moment of silence on his end. I could hear him breathing softly and some kind of movement, probably switching the phone to the other ear.

"Umm, what I was planning…it's just a solo thing. Y'know?" He chuckled nervously.

Knowing what he was talking about, I found no humor in it. _Fine then, Jounouchi. If you can't meet me somewhere then I'll just have to show up at your house._

"Jounouchi—"

"Since when do you call me that?" He interrupted.

I couldn't help but smirk, even though he couldn't see it. "Since now. Got a problem?"

"Not at all."

"As I was saying, don't move. I'll be there in ten minutes." I moved the phone away from my ear to hang up.

"But I—" I could hear before I shut it. _You can't talk your way out of me coming if I'm no longer on the phone._

I exited my room and went down the hall, stopping at Mokuba's room and said, "Hey, I'm going to Jou's tonight. I'm feeling charitable."

"Meaning?" He questioned.

"I'm just going to go save his life." I answered matter-of-fact. Not waiting for his reply, I walked away and grabbed the keys to the car. I made it to Jou's in ten minutes, as I'd specified. As soon as I got out of the car, I saw Jounouchi's father open the door.

"A lil t'late fer a friendly visit, dontcha think?" he inquired. "Ya think ya can just show up and come'n 'ere any time ya bloody well please?"

I smirked. "I have nothing to say to you, being as I don't talk to swine. In any case, I'm here for Jou."

He growled and obviously thought better of challenging me. Even in these parts, I'm well-known. He moved back and let me through. "He's in 'is room." I nodded and went to find Jou. It didn't take me long to reach his door and decided to enter without knocking.

"Hn…" I began. "You don't look like you're doing anything important." Jou was sitting on his bed, evidently not expecting me. He was hugging his legs and resting his head on his knees.

His room wasn't very big, not that I expected it to be. There was only one window; it was the wall his bed was next to and he had a small dresser with a picture of someone I recognized as his sister laying on top of it. I tried not to react to the razor blade poorly hidden under the photo and instead focused on Jou.

"Oh, uhh…well…" He looked around his room for something. "I-I…" I watched him try to invent something and decided to intervene.

"You don't have to lie to me, Jounouchi. I know what you were planning."

He seemed startled. "Wh-what are you talking about?" He tried to pull the innocent act, but I was too used to seeing the mask. I could easily watch him put it on and take it off every time as if it were a physical object.

"Jounouchi, let me tell you a bit about a few years ago." He laid back, leaning against the wall and crossed his arms.

"Fine."

I took a seat next to Jou on his bed, there not being any other place to sit and took a deep, slow breath.

"Well, you already know about how I was adopted by Gozaboro. The truth is Gozaboro was really violent, especially when he was mad. One night, he found out I had been slacking off in one of my classes and he gave me a beating. After that, he'd beat me to near-death almost every night. I was feeling so hopeless, but I would rather he do it to me than Mokuba. I hated every second of it, but knowing he wasn't doing anything to Mokuba somehow kept me alive. I knew if I gave in and let myself die by his hand, all of this misery would be forced upon Mokuba and I couldn't let that happen.

That went on for about a year and a half. After I took over his company and he disappeared, the beatings stopped. Obviously, since he wasn't there to hand them to me. Shortly after we were free, though, I started having nightmares every night. I was reliving all those horrible nights as if the torture never stopped. I…" I looked down at my hands, noticing they were starting to sweat as I was telling my story. I could feel Jou's stare boring holes into me. With my head still down, I continued, "I couldn't handle it. The nightmares lasted until about two years ago. Every night, I was tortured by my nightmares and every day I had to work at a company that bear his name everywhere. It was like a curse from him after defeating him or something. Every day I had to live with it, I desperately wanted to stop it all. To end it."

"You don't mean—"

"Yeah. I wanted to kill myself. I did actually try a couple times, unsuccessfully. Mokuba doesn't realize it, but I did. Every single time, there was something—or someone—stopping me. When I tried to OD on painkillers, Mokuba found me and thought I had a bad enough headache to take the whole bottle. I was quickly rushed to the hospital and released the next day. No one suspected it was a suicide attempt so there was no "suicide watch" placed on me.

A week later, I tried hanging myself from the balcony in my room. When I threw myself off, the rope snapped." I chuckled darkly. "Cheap-ass rope. I was alone at the time, so no one found out anything. I simply threw the rope away and decided 'next time'. I was surprisingly determined.

About a month later, I filled up my bath tub and set the hair dryer right on the edge of it. Mokuba and I used it a lot so I figured it was less suspicious if that's what I used. I could just make it look like a freak accident. Right when I was about to knock it in the water, Mokuba walked in. I had forgotten to lock the door. He saw the dryer and screamed at me to be careful, that I could've died. He moved the dryer and unplugged it.

The last time was about a year ago." I paused and stared at the razor blade on the dresser. "When I did this." I pulled up my long sleeves and showed Jounouchi the large scars trailing up to both my wrists.

"Wow, Kaiba. I didn't know you were…like that. I mean, we never really got along so of course I don't know much about you. Anyway, I'm glad you're okay" Jou said softly. "…and not dead." He added as an afterthought. "I can't even imagine Domino without Seto Kaiba. But one thing kinda bothers me."

"What is it?" I queried.

"What about Mokuba? You said you let Gozaboro abuse you so Mokuba didn't have to suffer the beatings, but then after you were out of that, you tried so hard to kill yourself. You would have left him here alone suffering anyway. I just don't understand what the difference would have been."

I sighed. "I know, Jou. It's just after all those torturous nightmares, my mind stopped reasoning and my judgment was clouded. I didn't care."

"So why'd you stop?"

I held back a thin smile. "Because one day, the nightmares stopped. I haven't had one since."

"They just suddenly stopped? What the hell?" Jou furrowed his brow in confusion. Before I could stop it, a chuckle escaped me. He stared at me, bewildered.

Calming myself, I explained, "They stopped after I met you and your friends. Annoyingly enough, all I've dreamt about since has been one or all of you dorks." Jounouchi laughed for the first time since I'd arrived.

While he was distracted, I grabbed the razor from his dresser and put a serious face on again. Jou ceased his laughing and stood up. I watched him stare out the window with a distant look.

"Listen, Jou. No matter what you're going through, it's always going to get better. Take it from me." I attempted a smile. It probably looked more like a grimace, but it was the best I could pull off.

Jou openly sighed and said, "Kaiba, I'm glad we're getting closer to being friends. You're one of those people I could never stand being around, but still wanted to be around you. I just wanted to get to know you, ya know? Can I tell you something?" I nodded.

"All right…" he began. "I doubt you heard it on the news because I think it was covered up, but just over a month ago, I was visiting my mom in Tokyo. She left me in charge of Serenity and my baby brother while she went out with her boyfriend. I only agreed to it because she offered me fifty dollars—and so I could see Shizuka. I didn't exactly like having to babysit, though. Shizuka's fourteen so I figured she could watch over Yoroi while I went with an old friend to the movies. I'd only be gone for two hours so I figured I'd go back home, put them to bed, and wait for mom to get home.

But while I was at the movies, two Yakuza who had followed me from over here got in the house and trashed the place, looking for money. They couldn't find any, so they took Shizuka hostage. I got there half an hour later." Jou paused; every word had been visibly harder to say with each passing second. I could tell he was holding back his tears.

"When I walked in… I saw Shizuka motionless on the floor with blood all over her. They told me they raped her because… because I took too long to get home. They killed her shortly after…" Jou's voice was shaking. "I told them I knew… where the money was. Of course, I had no idea, but I ran to the bathroom and… called the police from my cell. They got there five minutes later, but… the guys had already fled when they heard the sirens." He sat back on the bed the way he was when I got here. Jou hid his face in his arms, his body shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm sorry, Jou. That sounds horrible." I decided to let down my 'cruel and heartless' mask just this once. "You're right though. Something like this would've been reported on the news somewhere, but I didn't hear anything. It must've been covered up, being Yakuza related. Anyway," I continued, "it's not your fault. You couldn't have known they'd follow you that far. Don't blame yourself for it."

He looked up at me. "Yoroi would have turned one tomorrow…but because of me, that's not gonna happen." _That's why he chose to kill himself tonight_, I realized. "They were going to kill me, too." He added. He seemed to be losing his senses little by little. "I wish… I had died with them. I should have let them kill me, too! I deserved it!"

He suddenly got up and went over to his dresser, stopping in front of it. He turned around and started searching frantically on the floor around it.

"What are you looking for?" I asked. I had a good idea, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"I lost something." He said. I noticed his voice was ragged and cold.

"_What_ are you looking for?" I repeated. He didn't respond but continued searching. I extended the hand that had been clasping the blade tight enough to cut me a bit. I didn't want him to use it, but I needed his attention.

"Looking for this?"

He stared at it and then at me. He didn't move, telling me he wasn't going to try to grab it.

"Jou, you're not at fault for the murders of your brother and sister. There was no way you could have known those Yakuza were planning to do that. Please don't destroy yourself over this." Jou collapsed on the floor. He wrapped his arms around his knees and started rocking himself. If he was crying, I couldn't hear anything. I lowered myself to his level. "Listen, tomorrow I'll go with you and pay respects to your Yoroi on his birthday and you can take the opportunity to apologize to Serenity."

"They're not going to forgive me—"

"Of course they will. In fact, I bet they already have. You have to forgive yourself, too, Jou. Instead of trying to join them, live for them." He gasped, but kept his head low. There was a brief moment of silence before he finally spoke.

"Kaiba…I was planning on…killing myself tonight at midnight." His voice was muffled by his clothes. He raised his head to look at me. His eyes were read and watery. "I hated myself so much for what happened, blaming myself." Tears fell down his cheeks. "Living was too difficult for me… carrying the guilt of having lost them like that. Up until that day, Serenity… always called me the world's best big brother, but I proved her wrong in less than two hours…" His voice broke a bit.

"Jou—"

"But… after talking to you and hearing about your story, life seems a little brighter. I mean, you overcame hell and high waters and you're on top." He wiped his tear-stained cheeks. "I think I'm ready to live my life for them. I want to live like I'm living four times." Jou gave a weak chuckle.

I couldn't help but smile as I felt Jou was finally back. _To think that Jou was suffering this much, was carrying this much pain. I'm glad I was given the opportunity to rewind and help him. I still don't exactly know how it happened, but I'm grateful it did. I won't ever take my life—or Jou's—for granted any longer. I'm pretty sure that undo button only works this one time._

"All this crying made me so sleepy." Jou sniffed. I checked the time. It was 10:30pm.

"Go to sleep then."

"Will…" He hesitated. "Will you stay here? I know it's not the greatest place in the world, but I don't want to be alone."

Noting the sincerity in his voice, I agreed.

"I have a sleeping bag in my car. I'll just go get it."

I set up my spot on the hard floor and slipped under the covers, not thinking about how odd it was to be sleeping over at Jou's house. Ten minutes later, I heard Jou snoring.

As I waited for sleep to take me, I thought back to when I was suicidal. There was another attempt I never told Jounouchi about.

Eight months ago, I was standing at night on the highway bridge above the lake staring down, ready to jump. Right when I was ready to let go, I heard a voice yell out of nowhere, urging me to stop.

When I turned around, it was Jou.

"Oy, I don't know you or what you're going through, but… there's always someone who's going to miss you. If you don't wanna live for yourself anymore, live for them."

Feeling regret, I turned around and got out of danger's way. Making sure not to reveal myself, I mumbled, "thanks" and walked away.

That was why I really stopped. Because Jounouchi saved me. That's why I couldn't bring myself to hate him anymore.

Before I realized it, I was fast asleep.

That was when, in my dream, I heard the powerful voice from before:

"_Wrongs were righted. Friends were saved. To think…it was merely your words, you gave._"


End file.
